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home : considered comment : august 2007 May 29, 2016

9/11/2007 2:19:00 PM
Playing with words is a grammatical game

Like me, if you enjoy the play on words in the English language, you will enjoy  the following samples of the art:

• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

• Police were called to a day care center where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.

• Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

• The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

• The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

• To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

• When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

• The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

• A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

• A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

• Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

• We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

• The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

• The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

• The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

• If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory.

• A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

• A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

• A will is a dead giveaway.

• Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

• A backward poet writes inverse.

• In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

• A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

• If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.

• With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

• Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

• When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

• A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

• You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

• Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

• He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

• A calendar's days are numbered.

• A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

• A boiled egg is hard to beat.

• He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

• A plateau is a high form of flattery.

• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

• When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

• If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

• When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

• Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

• Acupuncture: a jab well done.

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