Fulton Co. Republican

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Tuesday, October 6, 2015
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home : considered comment : february 2008 October 6, 2015

2/12/2008 3:39:00 PM
Pun fun for the last time - some one-line samples
President and Owner, The Sentinel

Perhaps some of the conclusions of last week's story puns were a bit obscure and if that was so, I apologize. See if some of these one-liners satisfy and then I'm done with the subject.

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.

2. What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism it's your count that votes.

6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

8. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

11. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

17. Every calendar's days are numbered.

18. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

20. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

22. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

24. When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

28. Santa's helpers are subordinate Clauses.

29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

Tired of this exercise yet? There's more:

1. Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

2. A pessimist's blood type is b-negative.

3. Practice safe eating - use condiments.

4. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

5. Shotgun wedding: Wife or death.

6. I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

7. If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

8. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

9. Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

10. Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

11. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

12. Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

13. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

14. A gossip is someone with a sense of rumor.

15. When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

16. Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

17. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

18. Alarms: What an octopus is.

19. Dockyard: A physician's garden.

20. Pasteurize: Too far to see.

21. Toboggan: Why we go to an auction.

Read more Considered Comment columns by JKO at www.rochsent.com.

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