|8/19/2008 8:00:00 AM|
A bit of advice: On the highway and in marriage
|Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police officer sees a car puttering along at 31 miles an hour. |
He thinks, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly ... Thirty-one miles an hour!", the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 31 was the route number, not the speed limit.
Now a bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask ... is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't uttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 110."
Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe's place.
When they got to the door, Joe went to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better.
Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her.
His wife burst into tears. Bob was confused and asked why she was crying.
She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement.
"And now, you come home drunk!"
Here's how a dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm and dry house, pet me and take good care of me. They must be gods!
But here's how a cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm and dry house, pet me and take good care of me. I must be a god!
One day a genie appeared to a California man and offered to grant him one wish.
The man said: "I wish you'd build a bridge from here to Hawaii so I could drive there anytime."
The genie frowned and said, "I don't know. That is quite an undertaking. Just think of the logistics. The supports required to reach the bottom of the ocean, the concrete and the steel! Pick something else."
The man thought awhile and then said, "Okay, I want to understand women completely: What they are thinking, why they cry. I want to know how to make a woman truly happy."
After a moment of silence, the genie turned to him and said:
"So, then, how many lanes did you want on that bridge?"
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