It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, "What are you up to?" Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" Jake, though he has many reservations about her presence on the hunt, reluctantly decides to take her along.

They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant - much less a deer.

But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her deer stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get away from my deer!" Confused, Jake runs faster toward his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire.

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a man with his hands high in the air. Obviously distraught and panicked, the man says, "Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"



Here are a few one-liners worthy of your attention if you're somewhat long of tooth:

• Don't complain about getting older. Think of the people who are denied the privilege.

• I don't remember being absent-minded.

• May you never forget what is worth remembering and remember what is best forgotten.

• One of the sad things about growing older is that nobody remembers you when you were young.

• You have logged enough miles on the voyage of life that you have been upgraded to first class.

• You never will be this young again.

• Map out your future, but do it in pencil.

• The older you get, the better you realize you were.

• If things get better with age, then you are approaching magnificient.

• I find as I grow older that I love those most I loved first.

• The best thing about growing old is it takes a long time.

• A clear conscience often is a sign of a bad memory.



One day an out-of-work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he grows tired of just swinging on tires.

He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition and dangles from the top of the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. This goes on for some time and as the mime continues to taunt the lion, the crowds grow larger and his salary keeps going up.

Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help, Help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion, who says, "Shut up, you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"