Don't take this personally, fellas, but here is how one writer (female, of course) thinks of men, by comparing them to everyday items. Men, she says, are like:

Placemats - They only show up when there's food on the table. 

Mascara - They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 

Bike helmets - Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly. 

Parking spots - The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small. 

Copiers - You need them for reproduction, but that's about it. 

Lava lamps - Fun to look at, but not all that bright. 

Bank accounts - Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

High heels - They are easy to walk on once you get the hang of it. 

Curling irons - They always are hot, and they are always in your hair. 

Mini skirts - If you are not careful, they'll creep up your legs. 

Bananas - The older they get, the less firm they are. 

Coffee - The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night long. 

Chocolate bars - Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips. 

Blenders - You need one, but you're not quite sure why. 

Coolers - Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere. 

Government bonds - They take so long to mature. 

Horoscopes - They always tell you what to do and usually are wrong. 

Laxatives - They irritate the mess out of you. 

Noodles - They're always in hot water, they lack taste and they need dough. 

Plungers - They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

Popcorn - They satisfy you, but only for a little while. 

Used cars - They are easy-to-get, cheap and they prove to be unreliable. 

Weather - Nothing can be done to change them.

Let's face it, English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England, nor French fries in France.

Need more proof? OK, then, try to read the following sentences correctly the first time.

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.

19. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?