A couple of weeks ago, I promised to bring you more reports by police, and others, of the acts of stupid criminals, and others. Here they are:

Newark, N. J.: A woman reported her car stolen and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the car phone and told the guy who answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet; the thief was arrested.

Ann Arbor, Mich.: The Ann Arbor News reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 7:50 a.m., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. Frustrated, the man walked away.

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he "lacked intellectual leadership." He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

A student in Belle, West Virginia, was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann cited the school's "zero-tolerance" policy (not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy).

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas, Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"

In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but, unfortunately for him, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

A medical student was doing a rotation shift in toxicology at the poison control center. A woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. She was reassured quickly that ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter to the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. She was told that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room right away.

A police officer had a perfect hiding place to watch for speeders. But one day, everyone was under the speed limit. Puzzled by this, the officer found the problem: a 10-year-old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand-painted sign which said, "RADAR TRAP AHEAD." A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy's accomplice. He was another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading "TIPS" and at his feet, a bucket full of change.

Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two counterfeit $16 bills.

A bus in St. Louis, carrying five passengers, was hit by a car, but by the time police arrived on the scene, 14 pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.

A convict broke out of jail in Washington, D.C., and a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. His girlfriend, meanwhile, needed to see him and had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse - in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's Lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.