... she thought a quarterback was a refund.

... she thought General Motors was in the army.

... she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

... at the bottom of an application, where it says "sign here," she wrote Sagittarius.


... she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

... she sent a fax with a stamp on it.

... she thought Deepak Chopra was a Jewish holiday.

... under "education" on a job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."


... she tripped over a cordless phone.

... she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice because it said "concentrate."

... she told me to meet her at the corner of "walk" and "don't walk."

... she asked for a price check at the Everything For A Dollar Store.

... she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.


... she studied for a blood test.

... she sold her car for gas money.

... when she went to the airport and saw a sign that read "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.


... when she heard that 90 percent of all crimes occurred around home, she moved.

... she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

... she thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

... she thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening

Here are some matters I'll bet you never have thought about:

1. Can you cry under water?

2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

3. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

4. Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a penny for your thoughts?" Where's that extra penny going?

5. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

6. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

7. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

8. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

9. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

10. Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON television?

11. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

12. How come we choose from just two people for President and 50 for Miss America?

13. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I had any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

14. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

15. Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

16. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

17. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

A policeman spots this guy walking up the street, pulling a 12-foot-long rope and asks, "What do you think you are doing pulling this 12-foot-long rope up the street?"

The guy replies: "Have you ever tried pushing it?"