Recently, a man went to McDonald's and saw on the menu that you could have an order of six, nine or 12 chicken McNuggets. He asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" the customer replied. "We only have six, nine, or 12," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" He was told "That's right." So he shook his head in amazement and ordered six McNuggets.



While checking out at Wal-Mart with just a few items, the lady behind put her things on the belt close to the customer ahead. The customer picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between the items so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of his items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said, "Do you know how much this is?" The customer said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and so he paid her for the other things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.



A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When asked what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."



A distraught young lady was weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" she was asked by a man passing by. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" the man asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to the man, who then took the key and manually unlocked the door. He then told her, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."



Several years ago, this business office had an intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.



An old man and an old woman were sitting together on their front porch. "You used to sit closer to me," said the woman.

So the man moved closer.

"You used to put your arm around me."

So the man put his arm around her.

"You used to nibble on my ear."

"Let me go get my teeth."



A woman acquaintance of mine tells of her accountant father and artist mother who had very different views on balancing a checkbook. Mom usually kept the checkbook but when Dad retired he took over all the financial duties. He really was taken aback when he looked at her checkbook and found only dollar amounts recorded.

It seems Mom hadn't wanted to deal with any more math than she had to, so she'd eliminated the cents from every check. She's round up to the next dollar if the partial dollar amounts were 50 cents or more, and drop those under 50 cents altogether.

Dad feverishly went through stacks of canceled checks and registers trying to correct her method. In seven years of checks, he found that the difference in dollars was only 16 cents.