A poet and a scientist were traveling together on a plane. The scientist was bored and said to the poet, "Hey, you, do you want to play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you give me $5. Then, you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $5."

The poet thought about this for a moment, but he decided against it, since the scientist was obviously a very bright man. He politely turned down the scientist's offer.

The scientist, who was really bored, tried again. "Look, I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50."

The poet agreed to this arrangement. 

"Okay," the scientist said. "What is the exact distance between the Earth and the Moon?"

The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn't stop to think about the scientist's question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to the scientist.

The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly said, "Okay, now it's your turn."

The poet thought about this for a few minutes, then asked, "Alright, what goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?"

The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist's face. He thought about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous calculations. He finally gave up on his notepad and took out his laptop, using his Multimedia Encyclopedia. As the plane was landing the scientist gave up. He reluctantly handed the poet a $50 bill.

The poet accepted it graciously, getting ready to stand up. "Wait!" the scientist shouted. "You can't do this to me! What's the answer?"

The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put a $5 bill into his hand. 

One day a redhead, a brunette and a blonde were on their way to heaven. 

God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven. 

So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed. 

The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed. 

But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before God told his joke. 

God asked, "Why did you laugh - I haven't told the joke yet." 

The blonde said, "I know that, but I just now got the first one!!!"

Three men were waiting to go to Heaven. St. Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your wife, that is the vehicle you will get to move about Heaven."

The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her." So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce. 

The next man comes up and says, "I cheated on my wife a little but I still love her." He gets a Mustang and drives off into Heaven. 

The next guy came up and said, "I cheated on my wife a lot." He gets a scooter. 

Next day the guy that got the scooter was hopping along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying. 

He asked, "Why are you crying, you have such a nice car?" 

The man answered with a sob, "My wife just went by on roller skates."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"

Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."