Airplane: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-year-old to eat strained beets.

Apple: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

Baby: Dad, when he gets a cold; also, Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42.

Bathroom: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.

Because: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically.

Bed and Breakfast: Two things the kids never will make for themselves.

Car Pool: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.

Couch Potato: What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat dinner.

Date: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.

Drinking Glass: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.

Dust Rags: Dad's underwear.

Ear: A place where kids store dirt.

Eat : What kids do between meals, but not at meals.

Energy: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to do something.

Eye: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to Mom, can be "put out" by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled butter knife.

Food: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question "What's for dinner tonight?" See "Sarcasm."

Geniuses: Amazingly, all of Mom's kids.

Hamper: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing.

Handi-Wipes: Pants, shirt-sleeves, drapes, etc.

Hindsight: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers.

Ice: Cubes of frozen water which would be found in small plastic tray if kids or husbands ever filled the things instead of putting them back in the freezer empty.

Jeans: Which, according to kids, are appropriate for just about any occasion, including church and funerals.

Junk: Dad's stuff.

Kiss: Mom's medicine.

Lemonade Stand: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of 15 cents.

Maybe: No.

Ocean: What the bathroom floor looks like after bath night for kids, assorted pets, two or three full-sized towels and several dozen toy boats, cars and animals.

Open: The position of children's mouths when they eat in front of company.

Overstuffed Recliner: Mom's nickname for Dad.

Since we are discussing children, here are six things to consider about that subject.

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut up.  

2. Grandchildren are God's rewards for not killing your own children in exasperation at their conduct.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.  

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.  

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.  

6. We child-proofed our homes, but they are still getting in.