I'm not qualified to give investment advice, but this bit that I just read seems worthy of passing along: 

If you had purchased $1,000 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000.

With WorldCom, you would have less than $5 left.

If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock, you would have $49 left.

If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling refund, you would have $214.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink a lot of beer and recycle.

This could be called not the 401-K retirement plan, more like the 401-Keg plan.

This next entry is directed at my young female readers, of whom there must be one or two. If you are sick and tired of those stupid old pick-up lines that men continue to use, here are some great comeback remarks.

• Man: "Haven't we met before?"

Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

• Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"

Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

• Man: "Is this seat empty?"

Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

• Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"

Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

• Man:  "Your place or mine?"

Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

• Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"

Woman: "It's in the phone book."

• Man: "But I don't know your name."

Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

• Man:  "So what do you do for a living?"

Woman:  "I'm a female impersonator."

• Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"

Woman: "Do Not Enter."

• Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"

Woman: "Unfertilized!"

• Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason."

Woman: "Yeah!  Let's pick up some chicks!"

• Man: "I know how to please a woman."

Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

• Man: "I want to give myself to you."

Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

• Man: "Your body is like a temple."

Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

• Man: "I'd go through anything for you."

Woman: "Good!  Let's start with your bank account."

• Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."

Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."