I dreamed of sleeping late

And sitting by the fire.

I dreamed of long vacations,

Enjoying stage and song.

But, let me set you straight on that concept,

It is simply wrong.

I did junk my safety glasses

And the work boots that cramped my toes.

But, the rest of it had a mind of its own

And this is how it goes.

My wife had been thinking of retirement

And had plans of her own.

She had spent much time with the kids

But, now they are grown and gone.

We sold our cattle and horses

So we wouldn't have that chore.

I poured concrete over my alarm clock

But, I still wake up at four.

I get my eyes checked on Monday.

Ann gets hers checked the next day.

I go for a colon check on Wednesday

And pass my wife going the other way.

I have a dental appointment on Thursday.

Ann goes for a test on her heart.

Friday we go get prescriptions filled

And browse a while at Walmart.

Saturdays we just stay home

And try to get the paper work right.

We can't take any overnight trips

'Cause we can't see to drive at night.

Restroom confusion keeps us from church on Sunday

And we really do hate that.

There's nothing wrong with the restrooms,

We just can't remember where they're at.

We don't need to plan next week,

Just make sure we can drive.

And not forget where the hospitals and clinics are.

We'll need them to survive.

So, don't build your castles high, my friend,

While strolling through the clover.

This is a typical week in retirement

And on Monday we start all over!

Two women dog owners are arguing which of their dogs is smarter.

First woman: My dog is so smart that every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around and then he takes the newspaper from him and brings it to me.

Second woman: I know.

First one: How?

Second one: My dog told me.